Life as a Helldesk Operator – 1

So this is my one of my “things” for this blog, the Helldesk operator taken from my experience working as computer support, with the added “what I would have liked to done to some people” addition.

If you see T.N – that my translation of stupid user talk into English so enjoy.

Life as a Helldesk Operator – 1 – I want to complete my game.

The bosses are away for a “meeting”, meaning they have gone of to play golf at the local course for 9 holes, giving me a good couple of hours of freedom to sit and do nothing, read play whatever flash game takes my fancy this week.

30 minutes in then IT happens, the phone rings.

“Bastards, bloody users just don’t know when to ring.” They always ring at the most inopportune of moments, just about to add another game to my list of complete games.

“Hello computer helpdesk.” Answer as sweet as anything.

“Hi is the computer helpdesk?” The idiot replies.

“… Yes it is, how can I help?” I reply.

“Well I’m using Word and its not copying the text.” Replies my new worst enemy of the day.

“Okay what have you do so far then sir?” Still all sweet.

“Well I’ve used the clicky thing* and made my text go blue and then clicked the right part down and chosen copy but it hasn’t copied it any where.” The local muppet answers.  (*T.N Mouse)

I reply helpfully as always “Well Sir this is a common problem, now I’m going to tell you the quick fix and then we are going to fix it permanently. Okay?”

“Yup that fine.”

“Okay first you need to select where you want to put the copied text. Done that?”

“Yup.”

“Now Right Click and select Paste. Done.” grunt of approval. “Now save the document and close it… by pressing the Red X in the top corner. Well done.” Time to go for the kill.

“Now sir are you admin on your computer.” grunt number two, obviously the user if of a such a high intelligence that the spoken language means nothing to him anymore. “Okay if you go into my computer, then the C Drive, you should see a folder called Windows, go into that now right click on the folder called System32 and run the program called Cleanup and that should fix you problem for good”.

“Thanks very much.”

“Oh one more thing the fix won’t take effect until you restart your computer.”

Okay a quick note here Cleanup is a program I got the system boys to install on ll computers and for the most part it does what it is meant to, cleanup the crap of the computer, except that version we are using has a slight modification in that when it run on a folder called System32 it will go in and delete random dll files, some might call this a bug I call it a permeant fix to any problem.

5 minutes later the user from before calls back.

“Hello Helpdesk I restarted my computer so the “fix” would take effect expect now my computer doesn’t turn on” He seems quite panicked, time to help the poor guy properly.

“Sorry this isn’t the  Computer Helpdesk we deal with Marketing queries let me transfer to them, happen all the time”. When I said help I mean put his call through to one of the myriad of adult phone service and then set up a redirect to a different one each time his number tries to ring mine.

I’m not bitter or anything users just shouldn’t interrupt my game time.

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